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 Soldats Knight story

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soldats knight
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:38 pm

Am i even in the right board? Eck, oh well. I'll seperate what i've got into 3 parts so it's not so long... and if you like it then i'll post the other 2 segments.
Silver Soldiers
Yvonne jerked to the side as she heard a rustle in the leaves close by to her.
“Who’s there?” Yvonne called out into the darkness.
Silence.
Yvonne turned back to the warmth of the setting sun. It was so refreshing on her cold, bruised skin.
Crunch. Rustle. Crunch.
“Who’s there?!” Yvonne called out again, turning around.
Still silence. So she spun herself back around to face the sun.
“Why are you here? No one is supposed to be up here!” A voice whispered harshly from behind Yvonne.
In I slow cool voice Yvonne replied “Where is here? I am only where I am now because I … I can’t tell you that.”
Crunch, crunch.
The person whom the voice was coming from appeared to be sitting beside Yvonne. She hesitated a little and moved slightly away from the person.
“This is Dead Tree’s Point. It’s a lifeless place. Why would you possibly come here?” The voice said, no longer in a whisper.
“If this is Dead Tree’s Point then I came to the right place. For I am dead to all around me although as you can see, I am with a pulse and pure flesh.” Yvonne stated, in a hidden sad voice.
“Dead? Oh how I know what that must be like, sort of. You must be of the Bronze Battalion?” The voice asked.
“Yeah, yes, how did you know?” Yvonne asked, astonished.
The voice laughed a mocking laugh, as if Yvonne was joking. But once it realized Yvonne was serious the tone of voice flattened out.
“You can’t be serious. Have you not noticed the Bronze side mark on the back of your neck? On anyone else’s neck for that matter?”
Yvonne held her breath, then turned to face where the voice was coming from. “No one ever told me as I am disabled. My eyes are of no use. And to them, I am dead.”
The world is divided into sides. On the continent that Yvonne lives on, there is the Dead Dukes, The Bronze Battalion, the Silver Soldiers, the Platinum Party, the Iron Imagery and the Golden Gods.
The Dead Dukes side is the lowest rank. It is a lifeless place, other than the dead, there are the corpses that are dying. It’s a fearful place, rumored to be cursed.
The Bronze Battalion are the lowest rank people, they are viewed as normal people but if normal people are ones who live in poverty and poorness then the people who think the Bronze Battalion are ‘normal’ are far from right.
The Silver Soldiers are very secretive, not much is known about them except that they are the most top secret government agency in the world.
The Platinum Party are the colony of rich folk, humans and animals alike. They are snobby people who view the rest of their world as a lie.
The Iron Imagery is the manufacturers for the whole continent and have the strictest of rules and those who don’t follow are severely punished.
And finally, the Golden Gods are those who rein over the whole world. On this continent is the home of the Golden Gods, but the location is unknown.
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:41 pm

Some explaining: Yvonne is blind and later on when teh story develops, Jacques (which is the voice speaking to her) describes their surroundings so Yvonne can get an idea. She has extensive hearing.
Eck, so if you people like that so far.. i'm more than happy to post the rest of it! :D
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Mon Jun 25, 2007 12:49 pm

is it ok if I merge your posts and put your story in a different post?? Question

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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Tue Jun 26, 2007 12:00 pm

Sure! Eck, sorry about that!
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Wed Jun 27, 2007 8:37 am

No worries! :D

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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Fri Jun 29, 2007 3:44 am

So where are you placing it now?
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:50 am

You got your own topic post for the story!!! :D

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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sat Jun 30, 2007 9:06 pm

I really like this! It is cool!

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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jul 01, 2007 3:51 am

Well thank you :). It has a bit too much dialogue in the begining but it's not like that the whole way through... much anyway. :P
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jul 01, 2007 4:03 am

Here is the second part:
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jul 01, 2007 4:04 am

“Oh… Well that makes a lot more sense since I was sneaking away and then I saw you and was like woah, what am I gonna do but every time you turned around you looked right at me but never saw me so that makes much more sense how you didn’t notice me… Yeah I’m done.” The voice said.
“Now may I ask you a question. What is your name?” Yvonne asked.
“Jacques is my name, and what may I call you my pretty little lady?” Jacques asked.
Yvonne blushed. No one had ever called her pretty before.
“My name is Yvonne. Yvonne Chester.” Yvonne replied, smiling just a little.
“Do you mind if I sit with you a little while?” Jacques asked.
“No not at all.” Yvonne replied quickly, maybe just a little bit too quickly.
Back at home, no one wanted to be around Yvonne. It was like she had a disease that was contagious, and when she was around someone, they would be awfully rude to her and even hurt her. Because in the Bronze Battalion, being disabled is a sin, the people of the Bronze Battalion believe that children born with disabilities are reincarnations of the devil, and that people who develop disabilities after they were born are considered a curse and all that are around that person will befall terrible tragedies.
So for once in her life, Yvonne could sit next to a person who would treat her like a, well, not like a normal human being but like a person who is not disabled. And all Yvonne could do for the next quiet half hour was grin at the thought, the though that she was not being abused in any matter. It was a miracle to her.
All this grinning gave her a thought, she had told Jacques about herself, and he hadn’t even said anything about his side. She of all people knew that the people from certain sides loved to boast about how great their side is. She wondered why he hadn’t begun to rant on about his side yet.
“Hey what side are you from Jacques?” Yvonne asked, once her curiosity got the better of her.
“Oh I’m from the Iron Imageries.” Jacques replied slowly.
“But that would mean you’re an adult. How did you get out?” Yvonne asked, realizing what a stupid question it was.
All the people who lived in the Iron Imageries were Adults. There was a strict rule about children. The men and women live separately so if there were to be any mingling, and a child was to be brought into that side, the child would be burnt in the furnaces before the prosecutor’s eyes as punishment. Adults work in the factories in the Iron Imageries, most of the workers come from other sides, in search of work. But once you go in, you never come out.
“It would make sense if I were an adult, but I am not. And I cannot tell you how I got out, it is a secret only known to the children of the Iron Imagery. I simply cannot tell it to the likes of you.”
“The… the children?! But that cannot be! All children in that place are burned! How can… oh I get it. This is some kind of joke. You’re using my blindness to play a joke on me. Well that’s just low. I’m leaving!” Yvonne spat and stood up.
Yvonne’s eyes deceived her yet again, letting her feet slip on the ground beneath her. She felt the sensation of gravity defying her; the feeling of falling. And out of desperation her hands flung above her head and clung onto the sturdiest thing she could find. It was a hand she clung to and that hand heaved her up and back to level ground.
“Easy now, don’t move so quickly! You almost fell into the pits of the dead!” Jacques exclaimed, sighing afterwards.
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jul 01, 2007 6:42 am

This is such a good story!!! :D I can't wait to read the rest!!!

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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jul 01, 2007 10:39 pm

This is good! I really like it! ^__^ keep up the great work!

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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Mon Jul 02, 2007 5:17 am

Thank you :) I have the story all planned out.. just gotta write it all down :P. I'll post some more later okay?
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Mon Jul 02, 2007 6:00 am

yay! I'm glad that you have the rest of the story planned out! ^___^ I can never do that with my stories... unless I start from the end!

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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Wed Jul 04, 2007 7:19 am

Heh that would be one way to do it XD. I know how i want the story to be.. the end and the begining, it's just the part in the middle that i have yet to fill in. The minor details i mean.
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Thu Jul 05, 2007 8:18 pm

yeah this story really is awesome!!! i'm starting to try and write my story down!!! it's really hard cause it has a bunch of different stuff in it.

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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:23 pm

'the end and the beginning'? wow... that sounds deep! I cant wait till you post more!

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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:05 pm

Yes i know what you mean Ishiko, you have what you want but it's hard to write it down. :P


Quote :
'the end and the beginning'? wow... that sounds deep! I cant wait till you post more!

*blushes* Aw shucks. I'll post some more tomorrow if i get online. Is it easier to read with small text or normal sized text?
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jul 08, 2007 1:20 am

soldats knight wrote:
Yes i know what you mean Ishiko, you have what you want but it's hard to write it down. :P


Quote :
'the end and the beginning'? wow... that sounds deep! I cant wait till you post more!

*blushes* Aw shucks. I'll post some more tomorrow if i get online. Is it easier to read with small text or normal sized text?
it's easier to read with normal text! 👅

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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:50 am

part 3
Yvonne could hear heavy breathing coming from beside her, either that was the first time Jacques had worked out or he was frightened. She could hear harsh voices splitting through the forest, traveling up the hill and into her ears. They were calling for a boy, stating they will kill him if he doesn’t confess. Jacques didn’t seem to notice, his breathing was steadying.
“Are those men after you?” Yvonne asked.
“What men? I didn’t hear anything – did you hear anything?!” Jacques questioned nervously.
“Yeah, it sounds like there are two men at the bottom of the hill looking for a boy that hasn’t confessed.” Yvonne said, pointing out that they were not far away.
Yvonne could hear Jacques fidget, then crouch on his knees.
Voices.
“I can’t hear anything! You’re a liar! Are you working with them?!” Jacques asked Yvonne accusingly.
“With who? Whoever they are, they’re getting closer by the second. Are they after you?”
But Yvonne didn’t get an answer. It was all much of a blur to her, Jacques covered her mouth with his hand and then guided her down the hill, slinking behind the trees, all the way the two men were drawing closer. The next thing Yvonne knew, she was taking into some sort of dark room that began to move. She suspected it was the back of a carriage, but she still had her mouth covered and couldn’t ask.
Wheels rumbling over the cobble road.
It was cold and damp in the back of the carriage, the smell of rotting wood made Yvonne feel sick and she wouldn’t have minded if she needed to vomit – it would go straight into Jacques’ hand! But she never got the chance, Jacques removed his hand and let her speak.
“What are you doing to me?!” Yvonne screeched.
Jacques cursed and said in a hushed voice “Don’t be so loud! I practically saved you back there. If those men had caught me, caught me with you, we’d most likely be thrown into the pits of the dead in an instant! Now be quiet until we get to the base.”
“Base?” Yvonne whispered.
“Ah, you’ll have to wait and see,” Jacques whispered back, “–hear,” He added.
The two sat in silence for what seemed like a whole day to Yvonne, she was impeccably hungry, let alone parched for a drink. She felt the wheels beneath the carriage slow to a stop and then Jacques hand fling to her mouth. Jacques guided her to a standing position and then stepped slowly down with her to the back doors of the carriage. They stepped outside and Yvonne heard Jacques gasp.
He let go of Yvonne’s mouth, and in turn, she too gasped, instantly covering her nose and mouth with her hands. A dreadful stench loomed through the air; it was like a mixture between rotting corpses and the live feeding on the dying. It was a smell that would be strong enough for you to crawl into a little ball and stay there forever.
“Jacques, can I ask you a favour?” Yvonne asked slowly.
“Uh, I suppose, yes.” Jacques said a little muffled, reluctant to remove his hand from his mouth and nose.
“Would you please describe the scene to me? Seeing as my eyes fail me, I’d like to know how everything looks.” Yvonne explained.
“Um, yeah sure. Well, it’s hazed, smelly and I really didn’t think the base would be in a place like this. Even if it is unexpected, it’s too unexpected.” Jacques said.
“Oh come on, you can do better than that!” Yvonne exclaimed.
“Oh. Okay then, I’ll describe as we walk.” Jacques stated, taking Yvonne’s arm and walking with her. “The stench of death is swirling through our noses, scampering rats flood the place, scavenging for food. Every time they jump from mound of skeletons to the next, rotting bones rattle and fall, clouds of dust erupt from the dead every few seconds. We have to wade through the trash that is lying over the place. It’s disgusting, not just what is on the ground, but the air too. As you can smell, it is also disgusting, the yellow-brown haze that lays low over the area is thick and blinding.
“I see up ahead there is a building that looks like a miniature lighthouse, as we grow closer, it leans to one side and looks very aged. So much so that the paint has peeled and the walls have cracked. It is a yellow colour with green almost grey moss spurting from the edges of the walls. We are entering the building now. This is our base.”
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:51 am

bah! So much dialogue! The begining is rather fast, but from this point on, the dialogue dies down a bit, and the more description comes in. Hope you like this bit. :)
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:57 am

dude! i didn't like it... i loved it!!!<3333333 lol!

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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jul 08, 2007 4:59 am

Thanks :)
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PostSubject: Re: Soldats Knight story   Sun Jul 08, 2007 6:14 am

soldats knight wrote:
Thanks :)
no problema!^.^

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